1 comment / Posted by Amena Khan

As part of our #BelieveInYou campaign, here is Tajal's story. We hope her words give you comfort, reassurance, hope and strength. We encourage you to share your reflections in the comments below.

Connect with another story...

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Rupinder's Story: Embracing my Identity

Connect, reflect and comment. Tell us your story...




  • Posted On November 02, 2018 by Kurshida Begum

    Having heard each stories must say it broke my heart and made me reflect without even reading the comment to reflect. Sudden feeling of being overwhelmed and something stuck in my throat.

    Throughout my years I have always lived to please others be it my family and friends- the joker of the circle. Couldn’t see anyone in pain or struggles and everyone care before me and my feelings. I did what I knew would put a smile on my parents face even when I knew I was drowning. But that didn’t matter they were and are my world. Till the day I snapped and realised the consequence and the pain I bought no one but my father. I realised when once I tried to do something for myself I went the wrong way about it and didn’t stop to think how it would affect others. My father is my best friend- my rock. I couldn’t understand myself, I didn’t know who I am because all my life it was about everyone else that I never gave myself time to find me. All I knew was a good education, marriage and kids is all you need and most importantly everyone else being content.

    I graduated in a law because I wanted to be the voice for people who don’t have a voice. I wanted to help those that can’t help themselves. I became a barrister cross qualified and became a solicitor – achieved my academic goals but there was still something void in my heart.

    I then got married to my husband I had known for ten years prior to marriage. Things took a grave change. His family weren’t what they were made out to be and again to be accepted and please others I turned into the this person whom I didn’t know. I use to look in the mirror and think who am I? All I knew at the time was a happy mother in law meant a happy husband. Nothing I did or could do pleased my mother in law. I was exhausted mentally more than physically. I didn’t confide in my husband- thought would he believe what am saying still his mother. We soon after getting married went through a 3month separation. Till today it’s a blur. 3 months on my husband contacted me and we worked through our miscommunication. I confided in him with what I believed he could bear. We got together and soon moved out to our own place- though the house we were living was my husbands house.

    I don’t know where am going with this…despite my mother in law behaviour I wanted her to move in with us to our new home. She refused because she knew I purchased the house. Till today I always try my best to speak to her and make her know despite her behaviour there is still a part of me that cares and wants the best for her. However, these events made me realise it’s no more mental abuse- enough was enough. No more mind games.

    I am still till today trying to find myself and stand up for what is right by me. I have a loving husband who is more my best friend. Times I feel torned between should I give in or stand my ground as bubstanding my ground to an extent it affects my bestie- it shouldn’t but in reality it does.

    I feel I have forgotten how to smile, live and do things for me because am too worried about everyone else. One thing I find solace in is helping others especially those that struggle in marriage with in laws and feel I want to do more by saying it’s ok you don’t have to change to please others just like you adapted to them they need to adapt to you.

    Sorry if none of the above makes sense. All I know there so much to say that I have skipped in order to get my message across.

    What you are doing is wonderful.

    All the best.

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